He Bought Me a Flat, But It’s in His Name

Money Dilemmas is where we talk about the tricky stuff - the conversations about money that live in the grey area between love, power, fairness, and everything in between.

Each story starts with a real member dilemma, the kind many of us have quietly wrestled with but rarely said out loud.

Because money isn’t simply transactional; it’s about what we value, what we tolerate, and what we’re taught to accept.

And at the end of every story, one of our co-founders weighs in — offering her two cents and best advice on how to navigate the dilemma.

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The Dilemma:

I live in London, where buying property feels almost impossible unless you’re rich or very lucky.

My boyfriend - he’s 38, successful, and works nonstop - recently bought us a flat in Hackney. It’s beautiful, honestly beyond anything I could ever afford.

I’m 29, working in marketing, and when he said, “Don’t worry about the mortgage, I’ll take care of it,”

I felt relieved. Maybe even lucky.

But when we signed the papers, I realised the flat is completely in his name.

He said that makes sense since he paid for it, and I didn’t want to make things awkward, so I let it go.

Later, I suggested I could pay him a small monthly amount that might, over time, go toward some kind of shared ownership.

He shut that down immediately.

He told me, “That’s the benefit I get from paying for it. You get to live somewhere you couldn’t afford on your own.”

He works all the time, so I’ve ended up running the home.

I cook, clean, do our laundry, buy our  groceries, everything.

He has high standards, and while he’s never asked me to do it all, I feel it’s kind of become understood that I keep our home nice.

The thing is, I don’t even really mind. I like making our place feel put together.

We’re getting married next summer in France. His parents are paying for everything: £50,000. It’s my dream wedding. They’re even flying out my grandparents, who couldn’t afford to come otherwise.

I feel so grateful. And part of me thinks, how could I ever complain?

But sometimes I wonder what, exactly, I’m building for myself. He owns the flat. His parents are paying for our wedding. And I’m the one quietly keeping it all running.

Am I being ungrateful? Or is there something quietly unbalanced underneath all this generosity?

Camilla’s Take

You’re not being ungrateful.

You’re being honest with yourself.

It’s completely possible to feel lucky and uneasy at the same time.

You’ve been offered a life that looks like the dream — the beautiful flat, the generous wedding, the sense of stability, but it’s also a life being built entirely on his foundation, not yours.

He owns the home.

His parents are funding the wedding. And you’re the one keeping it all running in the background.

You’re contributing in real, emotional, and practical ways. But none of it gives you any real security.

That’s the quiet imbalance so many women find themselves in: comfort that comes with a subtle loss of independence.

None of this makes him a bad person.

It just means the setup works better for him than for you. And unless you name it, that imbalance will quietly solidify.

Unless you name it, that imbalance will quietly solidify

At some point, I’d reopen the conversation about shared ownership.

You could say something along the lines of, “I know you covered the flat, but it would mean a lot to me to contribute in a way that builds a sense of shared investment even if it’s a small percentage.”

His reaction will tell you everything about how he views fairness and partnership.

In the meantime, build your own foundation.

Save and invest as if you’re single.

You need what we in Female Invest call a F*** You Fund. This will give you freedom and peace of mind. It’s the kind of money that says, I stay because I want to, not because I have to.

Gratitude doesn’t mean giving up your independence. You can appreciate everything he and his family are giving you and still want to feel secure in your own right.

That’s not ungrateful - that’s self-protection.

What do you think?

Would you feel comfortable in this arrangement, or would you insist on some form of shared ownership, financial or otherwise?

Share your thoughts in the discussion thread.