My Fiance Wants to Combine Finances, But I Don’t Trust Him With Money

Money Dilemmas is where we talk about the tricky stuff - the conversations about money that live in the grey area between love, power, fairness, and everything in between.

Each story starts with a real member dilemma, the kind many of us have quietly wrestled with but rarely said out loud.

Because money isn’t simply transactional; it’s about what we value, what we tolerate, and what we’re taught to accept.

And at the end of every story, one of our co-founders weighs in — offering her two cents and best advice on how to navigate the dilemma.

The Dilemma:

I’m getting married next spring, and honestly, I’m so grateful.

He’s funny, warm, and the person I want to build my life with. But every now and then, he does something that makes my stomach twist a little.

Like last month, he signed up to buy the new iPhone 17 on release day, even though he already has a perfectly good phone, and it’s not like either of us are rolling in cash.

It wasn’t planned, it wasn’t discussed, it was just one of those impulsive “I fancied it” things. It seems small, but it’s exactly the kind of decision that quietly worries me.

He’s always been like this, spontaneous with money in a way that feels almost childlike.

He’s not selfish, just careless. He’ll forget he bought something until the statement comes through.

I’m the complete opposite. I track every expense, I save, I plan ahead, and I like knowing there’s a cushion if something goes wrong.

Now that we’re getting married, he wants us to combine everything — joint accounts, shared cards, the works.

He says it’s what “real couples” do, that it will make us feel like a team. I get that in theory, but in practice, it terrifies me.

I don’t want to start a marriage worrying about overdrafts and impulse purchases.

He comes from a wealthy family, so if anything ever went wrong, they’d help.

They already are, his parents are paying for our wedding, which is honestly my dream wedding.

It’s generous and lovely, and I do feel grateful. But part of me also feels guilty, like I somehow owe him a sense of financial trust in return.

Like maybe the least I can do is meet him halfway and stop being so “controlling.”

And then there’s this other thing, not something he hides, but something he only ever refers to lightly.

From bits and pieces he’s mentioned, I think he might have had a bit of an online gambling habit in his early twenties.

He’s told me it was never serious and that he doesn’t do it anymore, and I believe him.

But it still sits in the back of my mind. Not because I think he’d go back to it, but because it makes me realise how differently we see risk.

Sometimes I feel bad for even thinking this way.

He’s kind, he’s generous, and I know he loves me. But I also know that love doesn’t make two people financially compatible.

So now I’m stuck wondering: am I being uptight and unromantic by wanting to keep my money separate, or would it be reckless not to?

How do you balance trust with self-protection when one of you’s never really had to worry about money — and the other one always has?

Camilla’s Take

I think what you’re describing is something a lot of women feel but rarely say out loud, the tension between love and financial self-preservation. You’re not being cold or unromantic.

You’re being conscious.

Here’s what stands out to me: your fiancé has always had a safety net.

That shapes how he moves through the world.

He can afford to be spontaneous because someone has always been there to catch him.

You, on the other hand, have built your stability brick by brick.

When that’s the case, money isn’t just money - it’s peace of mind. And it’s hard to share that with someone who’s never had to earn it the same way.

I also noticed something else: guilt. You feel indebted to him - for the wedding, for his generosity, for his family’s privilege.

But generosity doesn’t require surrender. You don’t owe him your financial autonomy just because he (or his parents) are giving you something beautiful.

Gratitude and independence can coexist.

In fact, they should.

The iPhone thing might seem trivial, but it’s actually symbolic.

It’s about priorities, planning, and how differently you both think about “enough.”

That doesn’t mean he’s bad with money - it means he treats money like air, and you treat it like oxygen. You both need it, but you experience its importance in completely different ways.

My advice?

Keep your finances separate for now. It’s not a lack of trust; it’s a layer of protection while you build something long-term.

You can always merge later, but you can’t easily undo it once everything’s mixed.

If it helps, you can have a joint “household” account for shared expenses, but keep your personal savings in your own name.

As for the gambling - trust your gut.

Even if it’s long behind him, it’s okay that it makes you cautious.

You don’t need to punish him for it, but you also don’t have to ignore what it stirs in you.

You’re not being uptight.

You’re recognising a truth that’s as romantic as it is practical: love works best when both people still have power.

And financial independence is one of the quietest, most powerful forms of self-respect there is.

What do you think?

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