I Was Sick on a Hen Do and Now I’m Paying for Nights I Wasn’t Even There

Money Dilemmas is where we talk about the tricky stuff - the conversations about money that live in the grey area between love, power, fairness, and everything in between.

Each story starts with a real member dilemma, the kind many of us have quietly wrestled with but rarely said out loud.

Because money isn’t simply transactional; it’s about what we value, what we tolerate, and what we’re taught to accept.

And at the end of every story, one of our co-founders weighs in - offering her two cents and best advice on how to navigate the dilemma.

The Dilemma

I’ve just come back from a hen do (bachelorette party) in Ibiza with seven friends.

It was meant to be amazing.

Instead, I got sick almost as soon as we arrived.

I missed most of the big nights out and a lot of the activities.

I spent a good chunk of the trip in bed or heading back early while everyone else carried on.

It was disappointing, especially because the trip was expensive to begin with.

Flights, accommodation, everything added up quickly.

Two weeks later, I’ve just been sent an expense breakdown.

Or more accurately, a total sum that’s been split evenly between the eight of us, with a request to transfer my share.

Some of the charges really surprised me. There are large cash withdrawals listed for nights where I wasn’t even out with the group, and no clear explanation of what that money was spent on.

It’s just been lumped together and divided by eight.

I don’t want to be awkward or come across as stingy.

This is one of my close friends getting married, and I don’t want to create drama after the fact.

At the same time, it feels unfair to pay for drinks, clubs, and late-night spending when I was sick and not part of it.

Do I just pay my share and let it go, or do I say something and risk looking difficult over money?

Camilla’s Take

Thank you for sharing this. I think almost every woman I know has been in some version of this situation, and it’s uncomfortable for a reason.

First, you’re not being stingy. Wanting transparency and fairness isn’t the same as being difficult, especially when you were genuinely sick and didn’t take part in a lot of what you’re now being asked to pay for.

There are usually two different types of costs on trips like this.

Shared costs that everyone benefits from, like accommodation, groceries, and transport.

And then there’s discretionary spending, like drinks, clubs, and late nights.

It’s completely reasonable to question being asked to cover the second category when you weren’t there.

If this were me, I wouldn’t start with a big confrontation or a long explanation.

I’d keep it simple and factual. Something like:

“I’m happy to cover my share of the house and general expenses, but I was ill for most of the nights out. Could we separate out the cash withdrawals from the evenings I wasn’t part of?”

That frames it as a clarification, not an accusation.

Group trips often default to splitting everything evenly because it’s easier, not because it’s fair. And sometimes no one stops to think about whether that still makes sense once circumstances change.

It’s also worth remembering that resentment tends to linger longer than a slightly awkward conversation.

Paying something you feel is unfair just to keep the peace often comes back later.

You’re allowed to advocate for yourself calmly and respectfully.

If the group reacts badly to a reasonable request for transparency, that says more about the dynamic than about you.

And if you do decide to let it go for the sake of the friendship, make it a conscious choice, not one you resent.

Either way, you’re not wrong for questioning this.

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