I Earn More and I’m Quietly Paying for Everything

Money Dilemmas is where we talk about the tricky stuff - the conversations about money that live in the grey area between love, power, fairness, and everything in between.

Each story starts with a real member dilemma, the kind many of us have quietly wrestled with but rarely said out loud.

Because money isn’t simply transactional; it’s about what we value, what we tolerate, and what we’re taught to accept.

And at the end of every story, one of our co-founders weighs in - offering her two cents and best advice on how to navigate the dilemma.

The Dilemma

Not that long ago, my partner and I were basically in the same place.

Early twenties, figuring things out, not much money, lots of ambition.

Neither of us was particularly successful yet, and that felt fine because we were in it together.

Things have changed for me faster than I expected. I started picking up freelance work, then more of it, and suddenly I’m earning pretty good money.

Not insane, but enough that I don’t stress the way I used to.

He’s still trying to find his way as a producer.

I want to be supportive, but if I’m honest, there’s very little to show for it right now.

No real momentum. No clear signs that things are about to turn around.

At first, covering things felt temporary. Dinners, trips, random expenses.

Now it’s just kind of assumed. I book things. I pay. He’ll get it later.

Except later never really comes.

I don’t want to keep score. I don’t want to make money weird.

I also don’t want to feel like I’m funding a life I didn’t fully choose.

Sometimes I catch myself feeling more like a safety net than a partner, and that scares me.

He’s not lazy. He works.

He just earns less and seems okay with that. I’m the one pushing, hustling, stressing.

So then I wonder if this is my issue.

Am I being generous and supportive, or am I slowly building resentment without admitting it to myself?

And if I bring it up, do I ruin something that’s otherwise good?

I genuinely don’t know where the line is anymore.

Camilla’s Take

Thank you for sharing this. I really recognise the place you’re in, especially that uncomfortable moment when something that started as generosity slowly turns into an unspoken expectation.

What this sounds like to me, is that there has been a shift in dynamics.

When one person starts carrying more of the financial weight without having a conversation or ever explicitly agreeing to it, something changes (even in relationships that are otherwise loving).

It’s nice to be able to treat your partner and be financially generous.

There’s nothing wrong with that.

But it’s incredibly important that this generosity doesn’t go unnoticed or turn into an assumption.

Once that happens without proper communication, resentment tends to follow.

If this were me, I’d want to talk very explicitly about his career plan and what it actually means for both of you.

Not just what he hopes will happen, but what happens if it doesn’t. If things don’t turn around for him as a producer in the next year or two, then what. Is there a Plan B.

And how would that realistically affect your shared life, financially and otherwise.

That conversation isn’t about pressure. It’s about clarity and about ensuring you are in a relationship where topics like these dont become taboo.

There is a reason I always say that the most important financial decision you'll ever make, is your choice of partner.

I’d also recommend introducing regular money dates.

Not to make things uncomfortable or to monitor him, but because it’s important that money doesn’t quietly become your responsibility by default.

Sitting down together and looking at the numbers helps make what’s happening visible and intentional.

You can make this a nice thing by having a nice meal and making it positive and constructive.

This is also a great time to dream about future plans together.

I’ll also share something personal.

I’ve been in a relationship where I was the one earning less.

What worked well for us was having a shared budget where we each contributed a percentage of our income to a joint account.

It felt fair because the burden scaled with what each of us earned, rather than pretending things were equal when they weren’t.

That might be something worth considering here too.

And I hate to say this, but it’s worth being honest with yourself about one more thing.

If this relationship doesn’t work out, there is an opportunity cost to having financed so much of his life.

You don’t need to accuse him of anything, but you also don’t need to ignore that reality.

Being clear-eyed about it is part of protecting yourself.None of this means the relationship is doomed.

But avoiding these conversations often does more damage than having them.

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