I Let My Husband Handle the Money and Now I’m Not Sure I Can

Money Dilemmas is where we talk about the tricky stuff - the conversations about money that live in the grey area between love, power, fairness, and everything in between.

Each story starts with a real member dilemma, the kind many of us have quietly wrestled with but rarely said out loud.

Because money isn’t simply transactional; it’s about what we value, what we tolerate, and what we’re taught to accept.

And at the end of every story, one of our co-founders weighs in - offering her two cents and best advice on how to navigate the dilemma.

The Dilemma

I’ve been married for over 40 years.

We have four grown children. When they were young, my husband’s career was taking off, and it made sense for me to stay home.

Someone needed to run the household, support the children, keep everything together.

I don’t regret that choice.

What I do regret, a little, is how completely I stepped away from our finances.

My husband has always been a high earner.

He’s confident, decisive, and has handled all the money for as long as I can remember.

I never questioned it.

He seemed good at it, and honestly, I didn’t feel particularly interested or capable myself.

Then he had a health scare last year. He’s fine now, but it shook me.

For the first time, I really had to face the possibility that one day I might need to understand and manage our finances on my own.

So I signed up to Female Invest. I expected it to feel overwhelming or boring.

Instead, I loved it.

I’ve started following the daily news in the app every morning, and it’s become one of my favourite parts of the day.

I feel more engaged, more switched on. Almost proud of myself.

Eventually, I asked my husband for a clearer overview of our finances.

Savings, investments, retirement. What I discovered surprised me more than I expected.

Almost everything is invested in just a few individual stocks, all in defence. It’s not diversified, and it doesn’t align with my values at all.

It also doesn’t feel particularly thought-through or actively managed.

Now I feel stuck.

I want to be more involved. I want us to be equal partners in this, especially at this stage of our lives.

But I’m terrified of how to raise it.

His identity is so tied to being the provider, the one in control.

I worry he’ll feel embarrassed, criticised, even undermined if I suddenly show up with opinions, especially opinions that directly oppose his.

I don’t want to hurt him or make him feel small.

But I also don’t want to stay silent now that I know better.

How do I step into this without taking something away from him?

Camilla’s Take

Thank you for sharing this. I want to start by saying how much respect I have for the life you’ve built and for the role you chose to play in your family.

Supporting four children and an ambitious partner for decades is not a small thing.

And the fact that you’re now choosing to step into a new chapter with curiosity and courage is genuinely impressive.

It’s also important to say very clearly: you’ve done nothing wrong.

For many women of your generation, stepping away from finances wasn’t a failure or a lack of interest. It was simply how households worked. That does not mean you gave up the right to understand or influence what happens to your money now.

What you’ve already done is fantastic.

You recognised a risk, you took responsibility, you educated yourself, and you discovered that this world actually interests you. That alone puts you in a strong position.

You’re not suddenly interfering. You’re showing up.

I completely understand your concern about how this might land with your husband.

When someone’s identity is closely tied to being the provider and decision-maker, a shift like this can feel threatening.

But that discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It means the dynamic is changing.

Communication matters here, but so does clarity.

You can approach this with kindness and curiosity, asking questions and sharing what you’ve learned, rather than leading with criticism. At the same time, you don’t need to make yourself smaller to protect his ego.

Wanting to understand, question, and co-decide is 100% within your right. And it is not an attack on him!

Even if he doesn’t immediately embrace this change, I’d encourage you not to step back again.

Financial awareness isn’t optional.

It’s a form of self-respect and self-protection. All women, at every stage of life, deserve to know where their money is, how it’s invested, and whether it reflects their values and future needs.

You’re not taking something away from him by stepping forward.

You’re strengthening the foundation for both of you.

And you are absolutely within your right to claim that space now.

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