I Want to Leave My Marriage But I Can’t Afford To

Money Dilemmas is where we talk about the tricky stuff - the conversations about money that live in the grey area between love, power, fairness, and everything in between.

Each story starts with a real member dilemma, the kind many of us have quietly wrestled with but rarely said out loud.

Because money isn’t simply transactional; it’s about what we value, what we tolerate, and what we’re taught to accept.

And at the end of every story, one of our co-founders weighs in - offering her two cents and best advice on how to navigate the dilemma.

The Dilemma

I don’t think my marriage is terrible. I also don’t think it’s good.

We don’t fight much. We function.

We share a house, bills, routines.

From the outside, it probably looks fine. Inside, it feels empty.

I’ve tried to fix it. Therapy. Long conversations. Waiting.

At some point you stop trying to repair something and start managing it instead. That’s where I am now.

Emotionally, I know I could leave. I’m not dependent on him in that way. I’ve already done most of the grieving.

The problem is much more boring than that.

I can’t afford it.

I earn money, but not enough to replace a second income. We have a mortgage and a life that only works because there are two salaries coming in.

If I leave, everything shrinks.

The house. The safety net. The margin for error.

I’ve done the spreadsheets more times than I care to admit.

The numbers don’t work unless I accept a much harder life. And at this point in my life, starting over financially feels frightening in a very real way.

Part of me tells myself that staying is just being sensible.

That lots of people stay in marriages that aren’t fulfilling because stability matters.

Another part of me worries that I’m slowly disappearing by choosing comfort over honesty.

I don’t know if this is pragmatism or fear.

I don’t know how long you can live in something that looks fine on paper but feels wrong when you’re alone with it.

What I do know is that time keeps moving, whether I decide anything or not.

Camilla’s Take

Thank you for being this straightforward. There’s something very clear-eyed about the way you’re looking at your situation, and I respect that a lot.

If you can’t afford to leave right now, and there isn’t something actively wrong or unsafe in the marriage, then I don’t think the answer has to be dramatic or immediate.

Personally, in a situation like this, I would focus on building what we at Female Invest always talk about: a proper FU Fund.

The kind of emergency buffer that gives you breathing room and, more importantly, buys you time.

That means slowly creating financial independence inside the life you’re already living.

Start by taking a hard look at your spending. Wind down anything that isn’t essential.

Be intentional about avoiding lifestyle creep, even if that means choices that feel a bit uncomfortable or boring for a while.

One thing I often suggest is actually trying to live on less for a defined period, say six months.

Not as a punishment, but as an experiment.

Save the difference, yes, but also pay attention to how it feels.

Where does it pinch. What’s harder than you expected.

What matters more than you thought it would. It’s easy to tell yourself you could downsize your life. It’s much harder when you’re actually doing it.

The point isn’t to rush a decision or force yourself out before you’re ready.

It’s to build options. Financial options change how trapped you feel, even if nothing else changes immediately.

And just to be clear, staying while you get yourself into a stronger position isn’t giving up.

It’s strategic.

It’s you making sure that if and when you do decide to leave, it’s because you want to, not because you’re cornered.

You don’t have to decide everything now.

But you do deserve a future where staying or leaving is a real choice.

And money, unglamorous as it is, is often what creates that choice.

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