The one question my dates keep asking about my job at Female Invest

I’ve started noticing something. It’s been bothering me for a while - quietly, in the background - without me really examining it.

But last month, it happened again, and this time I couldn’t brush it off.

So what’s going on?

Whenever I go on a first date (I’m dating men by the way) - there’s a predictable moment in the conversation.

We’ve covered some of the basics, where you live, grew up, what your hobbies are - you know, the usual small talk… Then comes the inevitable:

“What do you do for work?”

I love that question.

I love talking about Female Invest and our mission.

So I explain why we exist, and what we do to close the gender gap in financial literacy and investing.

And I’ll tell you this: If it’s a good date, the guy is curious and really shows genuine interest.

Wanting to hear about the startup journey, what it’s like building a company, the start up culture and so on.

A guy even told me: “Maiken I can see, that for you, this is not a regular 9-5, covering the bills”.

And he’s right, it’s not.

Now, this is a rare occasion…

Because 9 out of 10 times, I’m met with a very passive reaction and then I get this question:

“So I guess it’s only women working there?”

What strikes me most is that this is after I’ve talked about our mission of achieving financial equality and usually also after I’ve answered another frequent question: Do you have any male members? (… which we do)

For the longest time, I just laughed it off.

But this time, it stuck with me.

Is it really so radical to picture men fighting alongside us for gender equality?

I wondered: is it because the men I meet assume that men aren’t welcome?

That a company whose target audience is women must be excluding men by default?

The truth is, 8 out of 27 of my colleagues are men.

That’s nearly a third of our team. And in the five years I’ve worked at Female Invest, we’ve also had a 50/50 split in the past.

What struck me the most wasn’t just the assumption (well, that too) - but it was the deeper implication:

If men don’t see themselves in the fight for equality - if men think this is a “women’s issue” - how are we ever supposed to make progress?

Because the fact is, we can’t do this alone.

We need allies.

But what happens when even the allies we desperately need don’t think this is their responsibility?

When equality is seen as our job, not everyone’s job?

That got me thinking…

What kinds of questions and assumptions do my our male colleagues face when they tell people they work at Female Invest?

Let’s find out.

Walk and Talk

So I invited three of my colleagues for a little walk and talk.

We wandered through the streets near our office, the late afternoon light bouncing off the windows.

I hadn’t told them much beforehand, so there was a bit of anticipation in the air.

Then I threw out the question:

“So what did your friends say when you first told them you worked at Female Invest?”

The answers came quickly - and they were eerily similar.

For all three, the first reaction was… silence.

Friends didn’t say much.

They didn’t ask many questions. And when they did, the questions tended to lean toward the skeptical:

“How big is the company, really?”

“Is it even a proper business?”

One colleague told me he’s always feel a bit on guard when those questions come up.

He thinks about his words, never sure how the other person will react.

Because reactions really are all over the spectrum.

On one end, there are the close friends - the people who share his values.

They might nod, smile, but usually don’t dig deeper.

And if they do, their questions can feel more critical than curious.

“Maybe that’s just the price of working somewhere more activist,” he said.

“When your company has a strong mission, people always have an opinion. And it’s rarely neutral.”

On the other end, you have the acquaintances.

The soccer teammates.

The guys at the bar.

And from them, the comments are less subtle: “So it’s just you and all the hens?”

My second colleague’s experience was much the same.

A lot of passivity, a lot of skepticism. People asking whether it’s just a hobby project.

His way of handling it?

He educates.

He tells them how well we’re doing, how big we’ve grown. But still - the silence and lack of genuine interest worries him.

My first colleague described it differently: “It’s kind of like a sensitive topic. People are afraid to ask because they don’t want to sound ignorant about feminism. So they just… shut down.”

People are afraid to ask because they don't want to sound ignorant about feminism

And then came the biggest surprise - from colleague number three.

When I shared my own dating story, he jumped in immediately:

“Oh, me too. I get that exact question on dates - with women.”

I blinked. “Really?”

He nodded. It happens with guy friends, sure.

But also on dates. Women ask it, too.

And then he shared something that floored me: at one of our own events, another attendee actually turned to him and asked, “What are you doing here?”

That one stung.

Because if even our own spaces carry that undertone, that this is a community - members or employees - for women only, then the problem is bigger, and sadder, than I thought.

Where does this leave us?

When I think back to those first-date conversations - the puzzled looks, the loaded questions - it’s easy to dismiss them as just awkward moments.

But they reveal something bigger: a blind spot.

Because if even the people who like us, who want to impress us, who are sitting across from us on a date - if even they struggle to see themselves in this fight, then how much harder is it to get strangers or leaders to step up?

Here’s the truth: we can’t get there alone.

Equality will never be won by women alone.

It can’t be.

It only becomes real when men stop asking if they’re welcome, and start showing up.

We’ll never close the gap unless equality becomes everyone’s responsibility.

But that’s hard in today’s reality.

The division between men and women feels sharper than ever.

On one side, you have misogynist content flooding social media - shaping the way boys see themselves, and the way they see us.

On the other side, you have women exhausted from carrying the weight of change on our shoulders. And yet, this is exactly why we need to be louder, clearer and braver in our invitation.

So how do we invite men in - genuinely, not performatively?

Going forward

Maybe we start by celebrating the men who already show up. The ones advocating for women at work, joining our events without hesitation, or teaching their daughters that investing isn’t “for someone else.”

Maybe we remind men that they don’t need to have all the right words to be allies.

That curiosity counts more than perfection.

That listening - and I mean really listening - is a form of courage.

And maybe we also say, clearly and often: this isn’t about guilt.

It’s about partnership.

Because every time a man challenges a sexist joke, asks about pay gaps, or joins a conversation about money equality - he chips away at the imbalance.

These moments matter. Because they show what’s possible when equality becomes everyone’s job.

Want to be an ally?

• Ask questions instead of avoiding the topic.
• Educate yourself on inequality
• Speak up when it feels uncomfortable.
• Join communities that promote equality - even if you’re not the target audience.

Because real progress starts when we stop seeing equality as their issue, and start seeing it as ours.

Coming back to the dates

So the next time I’m sitting across from someone and the question comes up:

“So… do men even work there?”

I’ll smile, take a sip of my drink, and say,

“Yes - and they’re the smart ones who figured out where the future is headed.”

Because honestly, that might be my new dating filter: if you think equality is attractive and know your way around an index fund, we might just have a match.

Dating, like equality, works best when everyone’s invested.